This young man died Thanksgiving morning.  He left behind him a wife and two young sons.

He went to his doctor with cold/flu like symptoms.  The doctor said, “It’s just a cold.”  So home he went.  He continued to feel poorly.  He called his doctor a few days later saying he was not feeling any better but was, in fact, feeling worse.  The doctor said, “It’s a cold.  You need to wait five days.”

He continued to feel so poorly he went to the ER at St. Luke’s who promptly diagnosed him with the H1N1 flu.  Unable to treat him properly, they sent him to UofP Hospital in Philadelphia.  There he was put in a chemically induced coma, with the hopes that with treatment he would recover.  Emergency surgery was then performed to deal with complications.

Sadly, this young father did not recover, but died due to the swine flu.

The son of this young father had just gotten over the swine flu when his own symptoms started.

“It’s just a cold.”

Pray for the repose of Craig.

Pray for Craig’s family and children.

Pray for Craig’s doctor.  He made a mistake.

How does one write that in the medical chart?  ”Whoops.  I made a boo-boo.  Not a cold but H1N1.  Patient now deceased.”

Kyrie Elesion.

I remember the first time I ‘forgot’ him.  It was the most horrible feeling.  It was well into the first year of life after my first husband’s death.  While settling in for the evening, I realized that I had not thought about him all day!  I was horrified!  How could I forget him?  With time, I realized I had not ‘forgotten’ anything but that my heart and soul were healing as they should have been.  I was continuing to ‘live’.

This point has not arrived regarding Mother.  Thoughts of her are never far from my daily thoughts.  Yesterday, with a large lump in my throat, I said to my mother-in-law via phone, “I miss your being here to celebrate Thanksgiving with us.  I am looking forward to seeing you Saturday.”  (Mom can no longer travel due to mobility issues.) 

All this, along with the thought that no one is in front of me anylonger, has brought to mind Jesus’ words in the Holy Gospel of Saint John, chapter 14: 1-2. 

Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.  In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.  And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know.

There is, of course, Someone in front of me.  It is Christ our Lord and Savior, Who has gone ahead and prepared the Way.  He promises in verses 16-19…

And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;  Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.  I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.  Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also.

And in verses 26-27… 

But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

At the end of Chapter 14, Jesus said…

 ”Arise, let us go hence.” 

The parent’s responsibility to teach and lead never ends, even when their children are adults.  They teach and lead by example.  Mother has done this.  Mother took these words to heart and obeyed. 

Thanks be and Glory to God!

No one.

One feeling that has been with me since Mom’s death is that there is no one “in front” of me. It is kind of hard to explain.

When we are born, we are helpless infants who are completely dependent upon our caregivers. We grow, little by little, becoming stronger, self-sufficient, independent, until that time when we are considered ‘adults’ and really act like we are adults. (Perhaps that is two different times, but that’s for another day!)

We, on the other hand, have only ever seen our parents as adults. We may look at photos when they were babes, but it is very hard to imagine them as that person in the black and white photo.

They are always in front of us in one way or another; blocking the wind when we’re cold, walking ahead in the dark to light the path, having had life experiences in abundance and sharing wisdom gained, they are always ‘ahead’ of us in size, maturity, smarts and wisdom. They are the keeper of the memories of bygone days; grandparents and great-grandparents, family history, heath history and list goes on. They impart that knowledge to us.

Now that Mom is in Eternity and not physically present, she is not ‘in front’ of me anymore. As the eldest sibling, and the eldest female, I am the ‘keeper’ of the memories – at least on Mom’s side of the family and of the family recipes…things like that. It is a strange feeling. I would prefer not to be there, to be honest. But I am and accept it for what it is. I’d rather she be first truth be told.
* * * * *
While writing this, another thought came to mind. As a Christian who believes in the Hope of Eternity and All Good Things, I believe there is only a thin veil which separates us from Eternity. Mom is on the other side of that veil. She still is in front of me, doing things ahead of me, as any parent would. And…that brings me a lot of comfort.

Glory to God for all things!

There is an ache behind my right eyebrow.

There is an ache in the center of my chest.

One is a headache.

The other is heartache.

Sunday night’s two hour viewing where 50 people came to pay their last respects to my mother and share copious amounts of hugs with dad, me,  my brother, and my sister was exhausting but good.  Many stories were murmured amongst the guests.  Stories of mom’s joie de vivre which touched many, how she was 2nd mom to the neighborhood teenagers, how she taught macrame to some of us girls to get us away from the boys, and on and on.  People told me about telephone conversations with mom during the last year or so where it felt like they had a spiritual renewal after conversing with her – her trust in Jesus was so strong.  There was laughter.  There were tears.  There were many good-byes and even a few hellos.

Today was the funeral Mass.  Prior to the start of Mass, the family met in the funeral home to say our last good-byes.  Since the funeral home is next door to the parish, we processed out following the casket into the church while the church bells tolled.  Mom would have loved it!

Fr. Murphy, the priest of St. Dorothy’s Parish, gave a wonderful message about mom and her deep faith.  It was a blessing.  At the end of the service during the last hymn, the tears finally came and came and came.  My sobbing echoed through out the silent building.  Leaning heavily on the hubster, with my cousin behind me ‘just in case’, I walked out.

My heart aches, literally.  There is an ache that goes right through me.  Tonight I will sleep.  Tomorrow is a new day.  Healing has begun.  Like with any injury, it hurts when it starts to heal.  But eventually the pain passes with time.  I know this will be the case.  But for now – everything aches.

But I will remember my mom’s words…

My Jesus, I trust in Thee.

Margaret Mary fell asleep in the Lord about 6:25 a.m. today.  May her memory be eternal! (Photo taken May, 2009)

John 10:10  The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. (KJV)

For the last several days I have debated whether to write something about the events of the last week.  After reading Pithless Thoughts and St. James Kids recent words on death…well…sigh… ~

Many of you, my gentle readers, know my mother has been battling lung cancer since mid-February 2006.  You have been most faithful in your prayers for her and my family.  You have cheered her on, given her hope, brought her smiles and warmed her heart.  Please accept my and my family’s heart-felt thanks.

Today mom is being moved to hospice care. Her condition has deteriorated rapidly in the last seven days.  She is in the end stages.  She is journeying the last days this side of Eternity.

Death is ugly.  Death is hard. There are just no two ways about it.  Through the fog of morphine and sedatives the words are gasped out with less and less strength, “I did not think it would be this hard.”  As the disease permeates more and more of her lungs, the heart takes over the lung’s function, working harder and harder to pump oxygen to the necessary organs.  It is hard work.  It is tiring work.  It is damn ugly.  It is bloody hard to watch.

Where is God in all of this?  Where is His mercy?  Where is His love?  Why does He allow this to happen?  What would I do faced with the same thing?  Is the choice of receiving chemo, or any medical treatment for a fatal disease, thwarting God’s will?  Especially if we believe that all things are allowed by God without trampling on our free will?  And why all these bloody philosophical questions at a time like!?  Further, do they matter?!

Meh.  I don’t know.  Right now, I don’t care.  What I do care about is that Mom be made as comfortable as possible and that God extend His Grace and Mercy upon her – taking her Home sooner rather than later…and it is already later as far as I am concerned.

Where is the Benediction in all of this?  Where are the miracles?  Mom has not been healed of her cancer.  She is dying, minute by minute, as I write this.  To those who would suggest that there have been no miracles due to a lack of faith I say, “Bah.”   The miracles abound in unbelievably numerous ways.

1. That her hospice house is right next door to her doctor so he will remain caring for her until the end.
2. That my dad is really happy about this because he likes this doctor alot.
3. That all of us children have been on the same page through out this entire week.  That alone is miraculous.
4. That God gave me strength and courage enough to have the hard talks with my dad.
5. That I read a blog which provided a link to Walmart’s caskets.
6. That my dad was willing to look at the link.
7. That my mother has said, “I am ready.  I am tired.  I want to go.”
8. That my dad let her say that, and accepted it, deeply painful though it was.
9. That every grandchild has had the opportunity to visit mom and tell her they loved her.
10. That she has received last rites, absolution and Holy Communion from her priest.
11. That there are literally hundreds of people praying for her, that’s how many lives she has touched.
12. That there is peace and calm within my heart.
13. And I could go on.

Life will be different.  The last holder of the memories of the maternal side of the family is dying.  Those memories have been transferred.  What has been forgotten is gone forever.  So be it.  We’ll make new ones.

Life will be different, but it will go on, despite my desire to stand on the roof top and shout to the world, “HEY!  MY MOM IS DYING RIGHT NOW! WORLD, YOU NEED TO STOP TWIRLING FOR JUST A MOMENT TO ACKNOWLEDGE THIS!

That happened for only One Person, Jesus Christ.

Christ is risen from the dead,

Trampling down Death by death,

And upon those in the tombs, Bestowing life!

Khristos anesti ek nekron,

Thanato thanaton patisas,

Kai tis en tis mnimasi

Zo-in kharisamenos!

Bestowing Life – in Abundance!  Glory to Him for all things!

As promised, gentle readers, here are only a few of the 1000 pictures the hubster took.  He did a fantastic job!  I hope you enjoy the photos.  I encourage all of you to visit this beautiful area!

Montezuma Castle:  This relic has been preserved by the National Park Service.  It is where Native American cave dwellers once lived 1,000 years ago.  Built into a limestone cliff and accessible by ladder only.

Sedona: This small snapshot gives just a tiny glimpse of the magnificent red rocks surrounding Sedona, AZ and which could be viewed from our hotel balcony at the Amara Resort & Spa.

Grand Canyon National Park:  A view from the South Rim.  As the sun made its journey across the sky, minute by minute, the Canyon’s beauty changed as the shadows moved.  Breath taking.

A view of the Canyon from the helicopter.  Definitely a unique view but I did not feel I got as spectacular a view from the air as I did from the Rim.

Canyon Sunset:  I love this picture especially due to the sun’s rays bursting forth above the clouds as it sets over the edge.

Red Cliffs Lodge, Moab, UT:  This is the view of the Colorado River from our backporch/yard at the Lodge.  Three days were spent here.  We were nestled in the Valley, surrounded by the red cliffs.  Spectacular!

The red cliffs backdrop the Colorado River.

Delicate Arch in Arches National Park:  Here I am!  After a 1.5 miles hike into and up to this Arch.  I did not high the last couple of hundred yards to it because of the sheer drop of the cliff.  But if you are able, notice the people (and how tiny they are) to my right (your left, dear reader).  Just follow a horizontal line from the black shoulder strap on my right shoulder, across.  They look like ants!  This gives an excellent perspective of how huge that arch is.

L-R:  Chris (Disney Tour Guide), the Hubster, Me, Mike (Disney Tour Guide) at Delicate Arch.

Yours truly, dear Reader, and the hubster on horseback in the outback.  Let me tell you, I had an interesting time getting off of that horse and then walking!  YIKES!  My horse was named Lucky.  The hubster’s was Snoopy.

When our tour ended, the hubster and I went on to Glenwood Springs, CO to view the Rockies.  But before we went “up”, we went “down.”

We took a tour of the inside of a Cavern in Glenwood Springs, CO.

Mt. Sophris, Colorado

Cottonwood tree which grows only near water.  So if you see a cottonwood tree somewhere on the mountain, you know there is a spring nearby.

Yours truly shivering in the cold and snow 12,095 feet up!  Brrrrr!

The curving road we had just climbed to get to the top of the mountain!

What we left behind!

God in His creation!  Glory to Him!

Twelve days in the southwest of the US revealed breath taking views and created many, many memories.

We began our trip with Adventures by Disney.  Traveling with a tour group we learned the joyous feeling of not having to think about anything!  Itineraries were set up for eat day, we knew about them the day before and each day was well balanced with activities and personal down time.  We barely had to lift a finger!  This is something we will definitely do again, I can assure you!!!

We started off the trip by being picked up in Phoenix, Arizona.  A quick motorcoach ride to Sedona took us to a lovely resort hotel where we stayed for 2 nights.  The red rocks in the area are stunning!  We also saw Montezuma Castle where cliff dwellers lived.  We took an open jeep ride into the back country with a bunch of cowboys complete with whips, spurs and “Yee Haw”s!  It poured rain while we were in the jeep but each time we got out the sun came out and shone bright.  We laughed so much our sides hurt!!

Then we went to the Grand Canyon and stayed at the Thunderbird Lodge right in the Park.  As we were going around a bend to enter the area, the collective gasp of everyone on the coach at the first site of the Canyon was really cool!  The huster shed many tears as he viewed the Canyon from the South Rim’s rail.   I got to sit in the co-pilot seat of a helicopter as we flew over the Canyon.  My first ride in one.  Whew!  Talk about nervous, especially after the pilot said, “Don’t touch anything – especially the stick in the middle!”  YIKES!!

The view…simply breathtaking! A moonlight walk showed stars too numerous to count, a couple of moose elk (12 points!),  mule deer and their babies.  I smelled them before I saw them.  They are HUGE!!!!  We also got a private tour around the park into areas not permitted by tourists.

Then we took an off-road tour of Monument Valley, Utah which was hilarious!  We laughed and oohhed and aahhhed so much we were hoarse by the end.  We stayed at Red Cliffs Lodge until Friday, nestled in the valley of the Red Cliffs in Moab, Utah.  We were right smack next to the Colorado River.  The night sky was so clear I could see the Milky Way AND  shooting stars!  Unbelievable!!

We took a horseback riding tour into the back country one morning – I could barely walk when I got off!!  LOL!  That afternoon, after lunch, the group went down the Colorado in a raft.  Thanks be to God the water was as smooth as glass for the 7 miles trek.  We hit a few bumps and got wet which made it fun!  We also toured Arches National Park where most of our group (me included) hiked to Delicate Arch.  One part of the climb was 400 feet in elevation in a 1/4 mile!  Well worth the sweat equity and breathless climb.

A week ago Saturday ended the tour so, after getting dropped off at the airport in Grand Junction, Colorado, the hubster and I rented a car so we could spend 3 days in Glenwood Springs, Colorado.  There we wandered around the area, shopped, soaked ourselves limp in the natural hot springs pool (talk about relaxing!!!) and took long, slow drives through the Rockies and various national parks.

Tuesday we took the long route to Denver so we could drive over Independence Pass and stop at the Continental Divide (12,095 feet) for picture taking in the snow!  Breath taking views!!  The hubster and I must have stopped every 100 feet to take a picture!

In Denver we spent the night at the Hyatt Regency where the Head Concierge is a childhood friend of the hubsters.  We were spoiled by the great company and a delicious dinner at a fabulous Italian restaurant.

We had so much fun!!!  It was a wonderful way to celebrate this momentous year – college graduation, 25 years of marriage and 50th birthday.  Now we are back in ‘reality’ and adjusting to the east coast’s rain and chill.  <smile>

It was fun to go away.  it was nice to come home too.  AND I am soooo glad I cleaned the house before I left!  How nice it was to come home to clean stuff, fresh sheets and towels and NO dishes!

Now on to plan the next adventure!

Pictures to come on the blog once the hubster is done editing them.

If  you have not, you need to.

If you have, good on you.

Significant Talk

…being said by a young middle aged woman, “I’m not accepting applications for friendship. I’m just too busy.”

Tongue-in-cheek?
Serious?
Only the hairdresser knows fer sure!