Do you remember back-in-the- day when you would awaken on a Saturday morning full of excitement and anticipation because it was the big day? (Fill in your favorite big event; prom, wedding, first date, first day of high school, whatever.) You walk into the bathroom, look into the mirror and gasp in horror! Right on the tip of your nose is a zit the size of freakin’ Kansas! Red, swollen, with a great BIG white head smack in the center. You look like the wicked witch of the west! Talk about an ugly reflection! YIKES!
Today was one of those days, though not because of a Kansas size zit. (And what.the.heck.is up with a nearly-50 year old woman still getting them!!??!!) What was the contributing factor to the very cranky pants I donned? It took me awhile to figure out what my problem was. Once I did I was ashamed because these thoughts, feelings, opinion, anger all are quite wrong.
Though Fr. Stephen Freeman’s post “In the Normal Course of Things” does not specifically speak to my issue, however a quote from Archimandrite Zacharias on the “radical event of man’s renewal by divine Light” does.
The radical event of man’s renewal by Divine Light and his transition from the psychological to the ontological level of existence does not, however, signify a permanent state in the present life. While it affords true knowledge of God’s merciful condescension to man on the one hand, yet, on the other, it brings man’s despicable nothingness firmly home to him. The vision of God’s eternal holiness floods the soul with hitherto unknown gratitude and strength, but at the same time man is challenged by unbearable horror at his spiritual poverty, for he now knows how grave would be his failure to fulfill his pre-eternal destiny, which is to be united with the God of love for all eternity. [Emphasis mine.]
I am horrified at my spiritual poverty for it is that lack of Love in me which brings forth this rotten fruit. As I spoke to the hubster about this, the only one I trust with the full revelation, he helped me see the blessing. It could only be God’s Grace which is helping me even be aware of my thoughts and knowledge of their wrong-headedness. And it can only be God’s Grace which is causing the struggle in my soul.
Thus, Glory to God for ALL things. Even ugly reflections and great big zits.