There is an ache behind my right eyebrow.
There is an ache in the center of my chest.
One is a headache.
The other is heartache.
Sunday night’s two hour viewing where 50 people came to pay their last respects to my mother and share copious amounts of hugs with dad, me, my brother, and my sister was exhausting but good. Many stories were murmured amongst the guests. Stories of mom’s joie de vivre which touched many, how she was 2nd mom to the neighborhood teenagers, how she taught macrame to some of us girls to get us away from the boys, and on and on. People told me about telephone conversations with mom during the last year or so where it felt like they had a spiritual renewal after conversing with her – her trust in Jesus was so strong. There was laughter. There were tears. There were many good-byes and even a few hellos.
Today was the funeral Mass. Prior to the start of Mass, the family met in the funeral home to say our last good-byes. Since the funeral home is next door to the parish, we processed out following the casket into the church while the church bells tolled. Mom would have loved it!
Fr. Murphy, the priest of St. Dorothy’s Parish, gave a wonderful message about mom and her deep faith. It was a blessing. At the end of the service during the last hymn, the tears finally came and came and came. My sobbing echoed through out the silent building. Leaning heavily on the hubster, with my cousin behind me ‘just in case’, I walked out.
My heart aches, literally. There is an ache that goes right through me. Tonight I will sleep. Tomorrow is a new day. Healing has begun. Like with any injury, it hurts when it starts to heal. But eventually the pain passes with time. I know this will be the case. But for now – everything aches.
But I will remember my mom’s words…
My Jesus, I trust in Thee.