Whose in front of me?

No one.

One feeling that has been with me since Mom’s death is that there is no one “in front” of me. It is kind of hard to explain.

When we are born, we are helpless infants who are completely dependent upon our caregivers. We grow, little by little, becoming stronger, self-sufficient, independent, until that time when we are considered ‘adults’ and really act like we are adults. (Perhaps that is two different times, but that’s for another day!)

We, on the other hand, have only ever seen our parents as adults. We may look at photos when they were babes, but it is very hard to imagine them as that person in the black and white photo.

They are always in front of us in one way or another; blocking the wind when we’re cold, walking ahead in the dark to light the path, having had life experiences in abundance and sharing wisdom gained, they are always ‘ahead’ of us in size, maturity, smarts and wisdom. They are the keeper of the memories of bygone days; grandparents and great-grandparents, family history, heath history and list goes on. They impart that knowledge to us.

Now that Mom is in Eternity and not physically present, she is not ‘in front’ of me anymore. As the eldest sibling, and the eldest female, I am the ‘keeper’ of the memories – at least on Mom’s side of the family and of the family recipes…things like that. It is a strange feeling. I would prefer not to be there, to be honest. But I am and accept it for what it is. I’d rather she be first truth be told.
* * * * *
While writing this, another thought came to mind. As a Christian who believes in the Hope of Eternity and All Good Things, I believe there is only a thin veil which separates us from Eternity. Mom is on the other side of that veil. She still is in front of me, doing things ahead of me, as any parent would. And…that brings me a lot of comfort.

Glory to God for all things!

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7 thoughts on “Whose in front of me?

  1. This is hard to explain to others who don’t share this confidence. And I hope I can continue it when the time comes. For now…it’s premature. Test comes later…. only the foretaste has been planted by the sense of presence of many I’ve lost in so many unspoken ways… maybe it’s not academic.

    Thanks for this post!

  2. Thanks be to G-d. Lord, hear our prayer.

    I thank my Lord everyday when I see the love and attention to others I learned from my Mother peaking out. The memories I have of her life are now static memories, The memories of her touching my life are daily and active. Thank you for helping me get in touch with that.

  3. One of my thoughts when Betty (wife) died was “now she has met and knows my parents and brothers.” And when son Jim died his mother was there to meet him.

  4. This would be hard; we know in the core of our being that death is not natural.

    Thank God that in Christ you Mother is still near you and that in Christ you are still very connected. Yes, she has gone ahead of you. Praying for comfort and consolation. *hugs*

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